


Once Upon Another Time

by AnaliseGrey



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Caleb's brain is a twisty place, Canon-Typical Memory Loss, Episode: c02e105 Rumble at Rumblecusp, Gen, Spoilers, author's accidental prescience, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:42:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25796836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnaliseGrey/pseuds/AnaliseGrey
Summary: If things had gone slightly different with some of Caleb's saves in the mornings on Rumblecusp.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 127





	Once Upon Another Time

“My name is Caleb Widogast. I was not born with the name Caleb Widogast. My parents are Una and Leofric.”

He says the words, confident in his ability to remember. He _always_ remembers, even when he wishes he did not. He doesn’t know that even this blasted island can take that from him.

 _That’s not true,_ his mind tells him, whispering in the dark, swirling part of his waking mind that smells like industrial disinfectant, feels like scratchy simple clothes worn smooth by thousands of washings and hundreds of bodies. _There was a time you forgot._ **_Years_ ** _you’ve forgotten-_

No. That is different. He remembers it. It’s just that there isn’t anything _to_ remember. This is different. He will be fine.

They gather in his dome, safe as they can expect, huddled together, and he falls asleep, safe in the knowledge that his memory, if not his mind, is ironclad.

Nothing to worry about.

  
  


“My name is Caleb Widogast. My cat’s name is Frumpkin. My mother is Una.”

They go around, saying their names, and something about themselves; Fjord, Jester, Yasha, and Caduceus all have started to forget, though it’s not as much of an obstacle as Caleb would have thought. Their new companion Vilya helps, returning the previous evening's favor to Caduceus, who helps Jester, who helps Fjord, while Vilya also restores Yasha. Soon, everyone is set to rights, seemingly no worse for wear, and they head off to whatever new disaster awaits them.

As he expects, everything is fine. He hasn’t forgotten anything.

Nothing to worry about.

Something Caleb’s noticed with this group is that so much can happen in a day, it’s often difficult to fathom that there are the same number of hours in each as every other.

They discover a hidden bay full of ships, almost lose Caduceus, but then get him back. To Caleb’s delight, he’s required to polymorph to a bird to help transport them to their next destination; he revels in the freedom flight brings, the chance to pump his wings and _soar_ , athletic in a way he never is in his own body. It feels good, drowning out so much of the worry and fear and stress from the past few days. Even after landing at the edge of where they need to go to find the ruins, the exhilaration remains. If only everything was as simple as they felt while flying.

The day races on, again typical of the Mighty Nein- one moment Jester is having a heart-to-heart with a tree, and the next Beau is punching a spectre in the face with her magic fists.

Such is life, Caleb supposes as he reaches for his component pouch.

By the time they finish the fight and their exploration, they’re no closer to a plan than they were the previous day. Any hope of finding a magic weapon or allies has fled, and all he really wants is to find a place to sit and rest. It would be foolish to attack tonight, which means waiting until morning, and seeing which of their small family falls prey to the island’s effects in the meantime. Sighing, he trudges along, mind spinning on thoughts of the cost and benefit of spellwork. Restoring the memories of his friends is an important and necessary task. He would never ask them to forget, to lose parts of themselves or their treasured pasts one piece at a time, like grains of sand from a clenched fist.

A clearing finally presents itself, and they settle for the night. Jester considers casting her magic feast, but in the end decides to wait until breakfast, giving them as much time as possible the next day, but also extra resources if necessary to help their friends if they succumb to the island’s influence.

It’s not long before dinner is had and the dome is up, the silver thread wound around. He pulls a few more pinches of jade powder from his pouch, along with his bit of fleece, and once again makes his pictures, to help his friends remember-

- _Beau, smiling at a young woman with white hair, a halo, dark skin, and freckles that shimmer like starlight-_

_-Caduceus, amidst his family for the first time in a decade-_

_-Fjord, wielding Star Razor for the first time-_

_-Jester, with her mother, the night of the gala in Nicodranis-_

_-Yasha, taking possession of her harp in the shop in Rexentruum, a soft, pleased look on her face-_

_-and Veth, with her husband and son, smiling, happy as he’s ever seen her._

He settles on his bed roll, looking at the images glowing along the inside of the dome, and drifts to sleep, content with his good work.

  
  
  


“My name is Caleb Widogast. I am a transmutation wizard. I am from the Empire.”

They still don’t have a plan. Beau is arguing with Veth and Jester over trying to do Fluffernutter 2.0, while Fjord and Yasha have wandered somewhere close. Vilya is meditating under a nearby tree, settling on her abilities for the day. As for himself, he’s sitting quietly, trying to focus on his spell book, but isn’t entirely awake yet; it’s difficult to concentrate, even knowing how important it is that they succeed. He wants his friends safe, for them to get what they want, to-

To...

“Hey, Mr. Caleb.”

He looks up, and ah yes, Caduceus. He raises an eyebrow in question, and Caduceus sits beside him, setting down his heating stone and kettle.

“How would you like some tea? You look a little out of it, still.”

Closing his spellbook, Caleb nods, reaching to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I think I am not used to all this fresh ocean air, even after all these weeks, my friend. It’s far too relaxing. Makes studying difficult.”  
  
“Yeah. I’ve always sort of wondered how your stuff works,” Caduceus says with a smile, gesturing towards Caleb’s book as he pulls cups from his bag along with a small pouch of dried tea leaves. “The Mother provides my magic, of course, and Fjord’s, too. But you get yours from a book- do you ask it for stuff too?”

Lips quirking to a smile, Caleb shakes his head. “No. I have to more or less figure it out for myself or copy it from someone. The book is my notation system. It helps me outline the process for each spell. Like a recipe book for magic, you might say.”

“Well, isn’t that nice.” Caduceus adds the tea to the water and sets it aside to steep. “I don’t use recipe books, magic or otherwise, much myself, but it sounds really great. Do you make up the words for your verbal components, too?”

“Eh, sometimes. Some are more specific, for instance, _Identifizieren_ , for the spell I use to identify magic items. It’s that, but with the arcane focus and intent pushed through the word. In more original work, I suppose I do come up with the words, those that would convey a specific meaning to me, to help me focus my will.”

Caduceus hums to himself, and they sit quietly for a few minutes, the voices of their friends rolling over them.

“That new spell, though I guess it’s not quite new anymore, but the one with the amber-”  
  
“Oh, _ja_ , the amber vault one?”  
  
“Yeah, that one.” Caduceus strains the tea into the cups and hands one over to Caleb. “The word you use, it’s real pretty. Does it mean anything?”

“What, the command word?”

“Yeah.”  
  
Caleb takes a moment, going over the spell in his mind, finding the word.

“I suppose it just sounded nice. I’m not sure where I heard it, but I liked it, and it seemed to fit.”

A flash of expression crosses Caduceus’s face, but it’s there and gone so quickly Caleb doesn’t catch it.

“Well," Caduceus says, expression smoothing out again. "As long as it’s a good fit, and it works, that’s what matters.”

Caleb is still enjoying his tea when Caduceus excuses himself, and Caleb lets him go. He opens his book again, hoping the boost from the tea will enable to concentrate better this time.

It _does_ help, the dull ache behind his eyes easing, the words more focused. He chooses which spells to prepare for the day, and comes back to awareness of his surroundings to notice his friends are no longer in the clearing.

He stands, stretching, before tucking his book back into the holster at his side, and catches raised voices from just inside the treeline. Vilya is still beneath her tree, and when he catches her eye she shrugs, also seemingly unaware of the problem.

Knowing this group, they could be arguing about almost anything, from whether Captain Buttonbeard is real to matters of deep philosophy. There’s really no way to tell but to ask.

Heading to the tree line, the voices get louder. He thinks he catches the sound of his name, though can’t parse enough of the other words to gather context. Just before he gets there, Caduceus steps out, smiling as he sees Caleb.

“Ah. Just the guy I was hoping to see.”

Caleb smiles back, slightly uncertain at Caduceus’s quick approach. He recognizes a second too late that Caduceus is casting, the component a powdered gem of some sort; the powder is a pale, pearly green, and something about that color sits wrong in him, makes his stomach twist and lurch. Before he can respond Caduceus’s hands are on his face, the magic taking hold.

' _Oh, it’s happened again',_ he thinks as the fog lifts along with Caduceus’s magic, the memories rushing back in to fill the empty spaces in his mind-

 _-lying smiles and sharp-edged crystals of a sickly_ _green_ _-_

 _-his parents, Una and Leofric, the last time he saw them alive and well, smiling and so,_ so _proud of him, sure he would become an example of everything the Empire could look up to-_

_-fire, crackling and hissing, building to an all-consuming roar, the roof of his family home collapsing in sparks-_

The heft of it all presses in, bowing his spine and curling his shoulders in with the weight of his guilt.

“Thank you,” he says quietly, impressed with how even his voice comes out. “Better this way.”

The others are coming out of the trees behind Caduceus, and Veth peers around the side of his leg.

“Is that a question?” She’s looking up at him, a pinch between her brows, concerned.

“No-” but even as he says it, Caleb knows how uncertain he sounds. _Is_ it better this way? It doesn’t really matter whether it is or not; this is his burden to bear. Forgetting is unfair and an escape he hasn’t earned.

“No, I- Thank you, Caduceus. I appreciate it.” Caleb looks at the gathered group and pulls on an awkward smile, but it doesn't feel as good as the smile he knows he wore but a moment ago. “I suppose we had better get going. What’s the plan?”

After a few stilted seconds conversation picks up, nobody asking him if he’s okay, if he needs a minute, and he’s grateful.

How do you tell your friends that in some dark, twisted part of you, you’d have preferred they let you forget?

They come up with a semblance of a strategy, and head back towards Heaven’s Falls, and Caleb vows to himself that if they engage, Vokodo won’t survive the day.

He can’t let that happen again.

**Author's Note:**

> I think this is the second time I've started writing something that ended up being at least partially canon...except I didn't get it posted first this time, lol.
> 
> I had started writing this around episode 103, and by this past Thursday morning had gotten up through the Greater Restoration. Imagine my surprise that night when actual game events went oddly close to my writing. So, there are some bits from the episodes mixed in, but I kept on the path I'd started with. Hopefully it's not too jumbled.
> 
> For most of the time I was writing this, I had ['But Never a Key'](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gJRAzqK7yg) by the Dirt Poor Robins playing on loop.
> 
> The title is taken from Sara Bareilles' ['Once Upon Another Time'](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIXlPxblIpQ).


End file.
